(Yes, I know the title literally means “Major League Baseball baseball.” Deal with it.)
In this post, I’m going to completely overdramatize the stories of how I came to own the six MLB baseballs that are on my bookshelf right now.
A little bit of background: I’ve been to about sixty MLB games in my life and have always prioritized catching a baseball over autographs, selfies with players, and whatnot. For a while, I chose to sit exclusively in the bleachers in hopes of catching a home run. My career total is six baseballs. This is the story of all of those.
June 12, 2015 – Diamondbacks at Giants
Picture this: You just graduated fourth grade and get to attend a Giants game with your classmate who’s an equally avid fan. It’s a night game, which means you get to stay up until 11pm, which is hella cool. Also, the Giants are the reigning World Series champions. Also, you got to the park right as the gates opened, so you’re leaning over the fence in Triples Alley trying to get a toss-up from some Diamondbacks player whose name you don’t know.
Now picture this: Your friend is getting understandably agitated that these random players are paying no attention to the wholesome fourth-grade graduates who just want a damn leather sphere, so he starts yelling, “It’s my birthday!” and “My mom has cancer!”. (Neither of those were true, and his mom didn’t appreciate the latter.)
Despite this, the Diamondbacks players are still throwing every ball back toward the pitching machine, even the ones that were resting on the warning track; the ones I could’ve gotten if I had that mitt trap thing that Zack Hample uses all the time. I had no idea who these players were, because how am I supposed to identify a Caucasian 2015 Arizona Diamondbacks player by the back of his head? Naturally, AJ Pollock became the scapegoat.
I don’t remember if the Giants batted before or after the Diamondbacks that day, but I do remember Jarrett Parker launching baseballs well into McCovey Cove, and some landing close to me (i.e. over the 421 sign). There was one that landed in the perfect spot, though — just one row behind my party. My mom turned around and reached for it, and . . .
Some man with a ten-foot net snatched it when her hand was like a foot away. Yes, I’m serious. I don’t know what he was doing with a net, considering he wasn’t in a kayak.
The ball I did get that day was given to me by a very kind older gentleman in a Cardinals hat soon after BP had concluded.
June 13, 2017 – Royals at Giants
Two years and one day after my friend lied about cancer, the Royals were in town for the first time since my Kansas City-native stepmom had moved in with us, so naturally we had to go.
Some context: Earlier in the year, my family had gone to the Bay Bridge exhibition series and sat at field level on the right-field side – prime toss-up territory. One of the right fielders threw me a ball, and even with four years of Little League domination under my belt, I straight-up dropped it. It rolled a few rows in front of me and I started crying. A few innings later, my younger brother went down to the side wall and was handed a ball by the right fielder.
Back to the Royals game. We were sitting in pretty much the same spot, and after a third out, Hunter Pence threw a ball in my direction. I was ready to catch this one, but this time, a drunk man, I’d say about 40, shoved me out of the way, only for him to botch the catch as well. The funniest part is that Hunter Pence appeared on the Fine Bros. Entertainment YouTube channel two months later and said this.
In the later innings, the 2017 Giants were getting shellacked (shocker, right?), so my family was just sitting back and taking in the Oracle Park view. Royals bullpen coach Doug Henry either remembered what happened earlier or saw my stepmom’s KC sweatshirt, because he randomly tossed a ball in our direction. I leaned in front of my brother and caught this one cleanly.
The problem was, Doug didn’t seem to know I was his brother, and gave me the single most intimidating death stare I’ve ever witnessed. I was terrified, so I gave the ball to my brother — yet another instance of younger sibling privilege. Fortunately, Doug’s a good guy, so he must’ve understood the situation, so he threw one at me that I did catch.
June 3, 2018 – Phillies at Giants
Some variation of “I caught Jake Arrieta’s home run on June 3, 2018” has been in my Twitter bio pretty much since I got the app, so you all know where this is going. Doesn’t mean I won’t tell the story, though.
One of friends has a late spring birthday, so we always end up at Giants games to celebrate. This was one of those games. For his last birthday, we were in attendance for the Strickland-Harper fight. Also, exactly three years prior, I had gone 2 for 2 with 2 triples and a walk en route to my Little League team’s rout in our city semifinal game. (Because I know you care so much about this, we ended up making it to the district championship game, which we lost, despite my contributions of going 3 for 3 with 2 doubles and a single.) Also also, exactly 74 years prior, my grandma was born.
Aaaaaanyway, we stopped at KFC in Oakland before the game (I was the only one who voted to get there right when the gates opened), so I was pretty salty about that. Plus, I had forgotten my mitt, which I never do.
I remember not even realizing Arrieta was hitting until the first pitch had already been thrown. On the second pitch, I remember watching his mechanics to decide whether or not MLB The Show was accurate in giving him Xander Bogaerts’s batting stance. I remember being legitimately startled at how hard he hit it, and then thinking for a split second, “Shit, the one time a home run will ever close to me, I don’t have my glove.” I just put my arms up, hoping it wouldn’t hit me in the face. It ended up bouncing off a bunch of fans in the aisle and landing on the seat next to me, vacated by my friend so that he could join said bunch.
I held the ball up and all I could do was repeat the words “I got it.” I was shaking for the next few innings and I still think of it as the greatest day of my life.
If you want to see a bunch of angles in HD, because I know you care so much about this, here you go.
June 17, 2021 – Diamondbacks at Giants
My grandparents had so graciously purchased tickets about a dozen rows behind the Giants dugout for this game. Before the game even started, the view ensured that it would be one of the best games I’d been to.
In the bottom of the first, Antoan Richardson signaled to Mike Yastrzemski to cheat a few steps toward right-center. During that at-bat, Eduardo Escobar hit the ball right at Yastrzemski, who didn’t need to take one step to catch it. Good ol’ Mike tossed the ball right over the netting, and I caught it.
My brother and grandfather claim that I held his arm down to catch it. I don’t remember doing any such thing, and if I did, I attribute it to muscle memory and player’s instinct. This time, neither my brother nor I were small children, so we didn’t have another Doug Henry Incident™.
But that’s not all. In the bottom of the seventh, Brandon Belt hit a foul ball in our direction. This wasn’t anything new — it was raining foul balls all game in that section. This one landed a few rows behind me, and I could tell it was rolling down the steps toward me, but was panicking because I couldn’t see it. Fortunately, my mom stopped it with her foot and I snatched it.
“Give that one to your brother,” she immediately told me. I didn’t. I picked it up fair and square!
July 11, 2021
Some friends and I were sitting right behind the Giants bullpen. Right before first pitch, Craig Albernaz was throwing lots of baseballs into the crowd, and screaming “CRAIG!!!” at the top of my lungs paid off. There’s not much else to this one.
Bonus info about this game, because I know you care so much about this: My friends and I were briefly on TV. Shoutout to Curt Casali for hitting it right to us; Walnut Creek natives stick together, I guess.
Also, toward the end of the game, someone down in the bullpen threw a ball to my brother, when some middle-aged lady yelled “IT’S MINE!!!” and shoved him out of the way and then threw herself on the ground to grab it.
Also, because of our seats, my brother lost Rock-Paper-Scissors to Tyler Rogers and my friend lost to Jarlin Garcia. Jose Alvarez politely declined
BONUS: September 11, 2021 – Stockton Ports at San Jose Giants
Foul ball souvenirs at San Jose’s Excite Ballpark are few and far between on account of the stadium’s seating capacity of just 4,200. But while I was getting garlic fries, one came toward my mom. Out of habit, she leaned to the side because she was used to me being there to catch them. However, this one smacked her in the calf. She gave it to a kid.
Oracle Outsider 